As an adoptee… « Empty Cereal Box

As an adoptee…

For adoptees only.

Thought I’d open some discussion with “finish this sentence.” As an adoptee….what? Here’s the way I’d finish it.

As an adoptee…you’re never conferred full adult status.

Now, go ahead. Give it some thought. How would you finish the sentence? Please write your response in the comment box.

NOTE: I’ll keep this post open and on top for an indefinite period of time, checking in to post the responses as they come in. But I won’t be posting any new entries for quite awhile because of a busy schedule..

Thanks for your participation.

Update: Thanks to Laurie C. for these links– Shotgun Adoptions from the August 2009 issue of The Nation magazine: “Christian agencies lavish support services on pregnant women–if they give up their babies…”: and from the L.A. Times: Chinese adoption: Some Chinese parents say their babies were stolen for adoption.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 8th, 2009 at 12:27 pm and is filed under Adoptee Community. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

7 Responses to “As an adoptee…”

spangie Says:
July 9, 2009 at 5:02 am | Reply
… I don’t let people get too close so that it doesn’t hurt as much when they leave me.
Elizabeth Says:
July 11, 2009 at 10:43 pm | Reply
As an adoptee… I used to have to call strangers Mom and Dad. I’m so glad I’m not an adoptee anymore, but I’ll always be the abandoned daughter. Both are soul crushing.
Lisa Says:
July 23, 2009 at 3:46 pm | Reply
As an adoptee I can’t get close to people, I push them away. Also as an adoptee I have never felt whole, never felt ok with myself, and never felt wanted.
Joei Darcey-Leared Says:
August 9, 2009 at 6:06 am | Reply
As an adoptee… I was always an adoptee…. ” and this is my adopted daughter Joei” like I was the prize at a carnival, or isn’t she great for saving this little bastard and taking me into her home…..
(but thank god I wasn’t related to her : ) )
Aurora Says:
August 11, 2009 at 1:38 pm | Reply
As an adoptee…

I am always searching for her among the sea of faces.
orphan Says:
August 20, 2009 at 6:11 pm | Reply
As an adoptee I will always feel like an orphan.
SDP Says:
September 7, 2009 at 12:33 pm | Reply
…I feel mildly disconnected from everything.

Permanent PTSD

[PERMANENT = existing perpetually; everlasting, esp. without significant change; PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) = a severe and ongoing emotional reaction to an extreme psychological trauma]

"The child separated from his/her mother at or soon after birth misses the mutual and deeply satisfying mother-child relationship, the roots of which lie in that deep area of personality where the physiological and psychological are merged. This is part of a biological sequence... It is doubtful whether the relationship of the child to its post-partum mother, in its subtler effects, can be replaced by even the best of substitute mothers. The infant is traumatized by its separation from the mother at birth."
--Florence Clothier ("The Psychology of the Adopted Child")

"The separation of mother and child causes psychic shock and should never occur unless there is no other choice. The wound makes the infant feel that part of itself has disappeared, leaving it with a feeling of incompleteness or lack of wholeness."
--Nancy Verrier ("The Primal Wound")

Not knowing who your genetic relatives are causes a LACK of what Erik Erickson ("Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self") called "ACTUALITY," by which he meant "not feeling connected to people and events in a real way."
--

Pregnant? Keep Your Baby

DON'T LET THEM COERCE YOU!

Here's why:

If you surrender your baby to adoption, you will be condemning him or her to suffer these proven harmful effects:

1. The severe trauma of being separated from you will radiate throughout every aspect of your baby's life. Your baby will experience your loss as the psychological death of his mother. There will never be closure.

2. Your baby will know the difference between you and his female adopter because he has bonded with you during your pregnancy. He knows your scent and your heartbeat. He seaches for the smell of your milk - not hers.

3. Your baby will feel abandoned by you, often resulting in a lifelong inability to trust anyone.

4. Your baby will always wonder why you didn't keep him and will blame himself for not being lovable enough to keep - a todder's realization that they were adopted. Many adult adopted people find they still carry this feeling inside - and it influences adult relationships.

5. As your baby grows up, your child may feel like a misfit and will suffer from low self esteem.

6. Your child may think about you constantly. This may cause your child to have difficulty concentrating on his schoolwork. Your child will be labeled a "dreamer" and a "bad student," further harming his chances for success in life.

7. Your child's adopters may not understand his lack of concentration and he could easily be misdiagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). If misdiagnosed, they will force your child to take drugs that he doesn't need.

8. Your child will lose his true identity while his adopters try to force him to be like them.

9. Your child will have no sense of his past which will make it difficult for him to envision his future.

10. Your child may suppress his true feelings and live an emotionally-numb life in order to survive the tragedy of his separation from you compounded by his adoption.

11. As your child becomes an adolescent he will have great difficulty establishing a sense of self because he will have no sense of his true history or heritage.

12. As your child becomes an adult he may have difficulty choosing a career and a mate due to his fear of commitment and abandonment.

13. Your child's adopters will probably not acknowledge that raising an adopted child is different from raising a child of their own. They will further burden him by telling him that he should forget about you and be grateful that they adopted him and gave him a home because you did not.

14. Nothing anyone does or says can ever make up for the loss of your child's first family!

15. You will never be able to change the past and undo the lifelong adverse effects of adoption on your child!

--Originally found on Exiled Mothers. "Coersion Tactics Used on Moms" link is now a "404 not found" page.

Keep Your Baby!

A mother carries in her bloodstream, for decades after they are born, a little piece of every baby she has had

Adoption? Why I'm Not Giving Up My Baby

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As an adoptee…

7 Responses to “As an adoptee…”

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